I always found it fascinating how people are designed (or that they design themselves a certain way). It’s so fascinating to me how we all go about our plan to find the one person that gets us, and that we get, and that is along the same path as us. I think that what I’ve learned about myself over the years is that I don’t particularly rely on a sense of discerning with my mind, but rather a much larger picture I get by encompassing all of what someone is presenting. The biggest lesson I’ve learned in the last year is that I wasn’t always accurate in my portrayal of someone’s reality. My reality actually got in the way of some amazing things that could have happened in my life. And so I’ve learned to ask questions, to believe what someone is telling me, to believe the emotions they are giving me….until it’s time to not believe them.
Something I’ve learned about chemistry is that, for the most part, we’ve all been on autopilot as to what “chemistry” truly means. And we’ve all been bullied into believing that chemistry is an automatic, instant thing. But to me that approach actually dilutes the beauty of chemistry. Chemistry, like love, can and should develop over time.
Many years ago I was talking with a friend about “falling in love”. I said to her “I don’t want to fall in love, because you can only fall for so long, but you can climb forever”. So I have this concept about “climbing into love” (actually wrote a song about it). I love the idea of climbing into love, but up until recently it never occurred to me that I could apply the same concept to chemistry – Climbing into Chemistry.
Now I’m not some kind of idealistic nut that thinks you can have chemistry with anyone just by allowing time. What I’m talking about is, for me this is a very real thing based on my experience and exposure to life, love, and chemistry. My last long-term relationship started with a girl that I didn’t have a “slam into chemistry” with like some of my other loves, but man the chemistry that built up over the years with her was unbelievably amazing.
I was talking with my dad about how when you meet someone that you are interested in, but don’t get an initial “slam” from “chemistry”, it allows you to find a realness about this person and yourself that you wouldn’t always get because of being distracted by the “slam”. Another thing is that “chemistry” sometimes is not the best indication that this person is right for you on the 100 other levels that make lasting relationships.
Anyway, I’m not discounting chemistry, but rather I’m learning to be patient with it, and I’m learning to work with the chemistry that is there so that it can develop into something more if it’s right. I mean how many people have we ruled out of our lives because we didn’t get the “slam”? I know for sure that I’ve eliminated too many things in my life based on no “slam” and at the same time I’ve been in relationships I shouldn’t have been but I was swayed by the “slam”. Ah, balance…